Become confident with boundaries

Boundaries. Some teens respect them, some don’t. For parents, some find it easy to set boundaries and maintain them, while others are inconsistent.

 There’s no right or wrong; however, many professionals in the youth and family support sector advise that teenagers need boundaries that are consistently enforced.

Parents in crisis can often find this challenging.  Parents are confronted with a choice between enforcing boundaries or minimising the confrontation, conflict, anger and stress dealing with breach of boundaries. The stakes are higher when a teen is involved in risky behaviour, as due to their immature brain development, when teens are angry they tend to make poor decisions. 

 It is hard to find advice and tips online for parents in crisis. So how do boundaries work when you’re living in this situation? 

 Parenting a teen in crisis requires a warm but disciplined approach. 

 Organisations such as SDECC and Family Drug Support Australia encourage parents to communicate with their teen in a loving, honest and respectful way to help build trust and accountability. This can be easier said than done; however, the objective is to minimise conflict and arguments. 

 For parents in crisis, maintaining boundaries can relate more to being consistent with the boundaries you can control, so the teen can experience the consequences. Change certainly doesn’t happen instantly; however, when parents stand by their boundaries it may have an impact on their teenager’s behaviour in the long term.

 This may include disposing of drugs or alcohol found in the teenager’s bedroom, if your boundary is that these are not to be consumed at home. It may be not giving the teenager pocket money if they are not contributing around the home. In some circumstances it may mean locking the front door if the teen isn’t home by curfew, if locking the door is what you would usually do at night.

 While initially this may feel difficult, and the desire to give your teen ‘another’ chance can be strong, being true to your boundary may create a sense of calm, control and satisfaction for you. The more you practice it, the more effective these boundaries will become. 

 Parents in crisis can often feel like they have no control, so this is possibly one way you can take control and care for yourself. 

 While self-care can include meditation, exercise, counselling, massages and so on, standing firm to the boundaries you have with regards to activities that you can control can also be a powerful self-care technique. 

 One EPIC parent has written about standing true to her boundaries when she learned her son was selling vapes. 

EPIC welcomes member input. Share your coping strategies and boundary setting/maintenance techniques here.