If I knew now what I didn't know then ...
It has been gradually creeping up on me, like being covered by a thick heavy blanket that I'm struggling to get out from underneath. First there was opposition, then there were lies & risk taking, with disappearances leading disengagement. I felt a sense of chaos waking up one morning with an image of the Wizard of Oz scene at the beginning when the tornado lifts up Dorothy, Toto, the house and the farm. I realised that I was being sucked into a vortex that revolved around my daughter's behaviours. I needed help - counselling and support. I reached out all over the place. Thank goodness.
Now I consciously work to keep my job, health and other relationships. There is the daily back drop of my young person's behaviours. However, I continue to seek connection, and to model what I value - connection, education, good choices and a healthy life. There are some re-engaging signs - she is more polite and cooperative, telling me her plans and accepting of some limits. The risk taking behaviours and disengagement from school is still there.
This is a work in progress. I was advised by a youth worker (at the youth centre she attends) to 'walk beside her' and that she would get tired of the lifestyle and give it up eventually. I hadn't realised I could hold onto this emotional pain and hang in there, with the hope that she will come through and live a good and fulfilling life.
Thank you to EPIC for being the support group which has helped me not to 'beat myself up' for being a 'bad' parent. And to have faith that if I hang in there, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Also, thanks to others - high school 'Trauma-informed' approach, counsellors, youth workers, 'Tuning into Teens' and SDECC.
Anonymous author and child
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